Here Comes the Bride

The more Convert and I dated, the more I wanted to be with him. I became very attached to him. We dated for five months and then we were married. We didn't have the traditional Mormon temple wedding. Convert wasn't a member long enough to be an elder in the priesthood. (A man has to be an elder in the church to gain entrance into the temple.) We settled for a civil marriage. We didn't have a typical civil wedding with flowers, a dress, a cake, and celebrations.
My parents had just married off my oldest brother and they stated that they couldn't afford another wedding. (Of course, they really didn't want me to get married at all.) My brother was the successful returned missionary that was the pride of the family. He was the one that got the glitter and glamor of a temple marriage. The church was decorated to the hilt and the food never ended. Although, I did get to be a brides maid. Did I mention that the bride was my best friend?
I wanted so much to have a beautiful wedding, but out of desperation to gain freedom I settled for a judge, my parents, and about three of my siblings at the courthouse. I remember buying a wedding dress pattern and putting it in my "hope chest" back in Utah. I still have the pattern, unopened and unused. I look at it once in awhile and just sigh. I was also hoping that I would be able to decorate my own wedding cake. Instead, I was only able to do everyone else's. The wedding took place and then everyone went home. Convert and I went to our honeymoon destination.... The Holiday Inn.
The honeymoon was interesting. Convert detoured us to his friend's house. I sat on the couch in the living room of some strangers home while Convert went into the other room. I waited. My new husband was up to something. I really didn't know what. There were other people laying around the living room while I was there. I didn't know them. The room stunk, it was smoky, and it had alcohol bottles everywhere. I was real uneasy sitting there. It wasn't my kind of environment. Soon my new husband came out of the other room. He would not explain what he had been doing. We left that poor pathetic house and went to our honeymoon suite. (It was just one of the small rooms on the tenth floor.) We had dinner at the inn's restaurant and then retreated to our room.
I was so happy to be married and away with my love. I knew that we were going to be happy as a married couple and have a home, a family, and go to church like all the wonderful families do. I had such high hopes for us. That short visit to Converts friend's house was not an issue. I gave it no more thought...
The next day Convert took me to my new home, or I should say it was his mothers home. It was small, smoky and full of dog and cat hair. Coffee aromas loomed in the air, and the dishes were kept in the fridge, due to the large amount of cockroaches. This kind of atmosphere was totally different than what I was used to. The house I grew up in had no bugs, was clean, smelled good and the animals lived outside. I was a stranger in a strange home and thats where I was supposed to be. In other words I was locked in. I kept my hopes high on the goal of a soon-to-be temple marriage, a home of my own, a family, and respect from the Mormon community. Most of all, I hoped that I would make my parents proud.


Ben November 25, 2007 at 11:23 PM  

So was the "burp" that you speak of during high school a pregnancy? I am deeply sorry for your, once again, demeaning father and his non-supportive ways. You obviously deserve better!

L. S. Smathers Family October 17, 2010 at 1:31 PM  

Oh my goodness, even our first marriages have some crazy similarities...I am completely hooked on your blog. I should be doing my homework but I am so hooked...

About Me

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Michigan, United States
I spent a lot of time deciding if I should write this blog or not. I'm not a great writer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I need to share what I have learned and I might not make some people happy with what I am saying. This blog is a way for me to release the thoughts and feelings that come with knowing I grew up in the wrong religion. A healing process if you will.

How To Read This Blog

Please start with the month of February 2007 and read backwards. This is the most effective way to understand, in order, why I say what I do.

Handmaidens Creed

1.I believe in God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit as one God without beginning or end.
2.I believe the Bible to be the Holy Inspired word of God with full truth and righteousness. No other writing is.
3.I believe that the work of the Lord comes first. Before any temporal thing or person.
4.I believe that grace is a gift and Christ gives that gift freely to all who believe.
5.I believe that the beauty of a woman is contained inside of her and not by what she looks like on the outside.
6.I believe that marriage is sacred and represents the Godhead on earth; two are one just as three are one.
7.I believe that love is more powerful than any other power. Remember, God is love.
8.I believe that tithing is not a part of God's new covenant, free will offerings are. And that doesn't mean just money.
9.I believe that the Aaronic, Levitical, and Melchizedek priesthoods are abolished and Christs Holy Priesthood whom Christ is the "Great High Priest" is eternal.
10.I believe that every believer is a priest in the "Priesthood of Believers".
11.I believe that when two are one, nobody is to separate the one.
12.I believe that Christ is the only way to heaven.
13.I believe that our bodies are temples, not man made buildings.
14.I believe that liars make fools out of others and the liar hates the fool.
15.I believe that all believers are in authority to preach the gospel.
16.I believe that the word 'organization' to describe Christs body is evil and has no place with God.
17.I believe the Americas are not the land of Zion and Christ will return to His origonal land-Israel in the Middle East.
18.I believe that God has set out correct ways of worshiping Him, not man.
19.I believe in holding to the truths of the Bible and not mans understanding of it.
20.I believe that the world is full of evil and Satan can easily gain control over the minds of those who do not profess Christ of the Bible to be their only Messiah.
21.I believe that Saints are those who know the real Savior, Jesus Christ, of whom the Bible speaks of; not the jesus of a cult.