Mind, Spirit, Body

I got to know a married couple that helped me get to Michigan. They rented a van and drove me from Georgia to Michigan. When we got to my parents house I saw a large banner on the window welcoming me home. After the couple left, I sat down on the couch and wept like a baby in my mothers arms. She wept as well.
I didn't have any of my stuff with me, because I had no way of getting it up to Michigan. I came to Michigan with only a small box of belongings. My parents had prepared a room for me and I settled in. I had mixed emotions about being back home. My heart was back in Georgia, but my body was is Michigan.
My dad believed that the best thing I could do to get myself together was to start attending the Mormon church again. He thought that I should have kept going to church while married to Convert. He believed that by attending church and burying my head in the 'Book of Mormon' that I would get back to my old self. I complied, and went to church with my parents. It felt strange and I was uneasy sitting in the church pew. I felt that something wasn't right by being there. However, I kept attending even though I didn't feel that this was the answer that I was looking for. While in church, I'd listen to the lessons that were presented and to the testimonies that were said, but couldn't seem to get anything out of it.
My parents heavily encouraged me to get a job, and they provided me with a loaner car. I found a job at a nursing home, and I worked as an aide while I waited for my nursing license to be transferred from GA to MI. Working there seemed strange too, because I felt as though I should be with my kids back in GA, however, I had to pay my parents for room and board. After I received my license, nursing didn't seem to help me feel any better either.
My dad said that I should get a loan for a car and rent a house, and prepare to get my kids back. Renting a house, paying for a car, working, and going to church was necessary, but those things, couldn't, more importantly, help me get my mind, spirit, and body together.
Everything seemed wrong and nothing seemed logical. I felt confused, and I had no guidance to help me make decisions for myself, or for my kids. My spirit was empty. Going to church and reading the Book of Mormon didn't give the spiritual food I needed, or something solid that I could believe in. Last of all, my body was suffering because I smoked way too much. I was over weight, and I was on medication that was supposed to help keep me from crying about the things that had happened.
I was hungry for something that made sense. I longed for the truth. I needed the right guidance. I needed the right words and knowledge that would help me think constructively about everything. I needed something to help me mature and grow and get me out of the nonthinking Mormon mentality. I couldn't go back into the same lifestyle I started with. Mormonism didn't teach me anything, but how to do and obey. (The closest thing I can think of that resembles the Mormon way of life is Communism. Neither system of beliefs allows for individual identity as well as personal maturity.)