Converts Rationale

The next few years with Convert were the worst ones in our marriage. I had high hopes of a 'normal' marriage. I couldn't really see what was down the road for me, and the kids, for that matter. I spent a good couple of years, or so, obeying my husband. The relationship with him became extremely confusing and exhausting. His behavior towards me became intolerable. He was gone almost all of the time. He brought pornographic material into the house, and he became obsessed with sex. He brought home several hand guns. He brought his mother down to GA and got her a place across the street from our family. He went to bars and would give me reasons why he couldn't come home at night. He'd give excuses like, "I was too tired to drive, so I slept in the car in a parking lot". I couldn't prove his unfaithfulness, but I had my suspicions.
Convert started his own business, and I quit work to help him out. I worked long, hard hours training employees, cleaning, driving, and getting supplies. I spent most of the time away from home. I didn't want to. I wasn't getting paid to work for him. I worked seven days a week, and approximately ten to twelve hours a day. Every time I wanted to have a day off, Convert would give me an extensive lecture about why I needed to continue working. He'd give me his rationale of how he worked during the day, getting the contracts, and I did the training at night. (I had to work for an hour, or so, at lunch time as well.) Once in awhile, I was able to take one of the kids with me to keep me company while I was working.
By this time, the days became like nights and the nights like days. I would get about an hour of sleep a day . I didn't have much contact with my kids, and by this time, I was smoking over two packs of cigarettes a day and drinking a lot of coffee. These two vices are taboo in the church. I slowed down in my attendance in church for a short time. It wasn't long before I quit all together. I hardly had anymore strength to give. My mind, body, and spirit were suffering, all for the sake of making Convert happy with me.
I was cleaning house one day, and I decided to clean out my top dresser drawer. I found an opened envelope way in the back of the drawer. I pulled it out from under my clothes and looked at the front of the envelope. The letter inside was addressed to me. The return address was from, "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". Puzzled, I pulled the piece of white paper out of the envelope. I read the letter, and then I read it again. I read it over and over and over. I was numb. I had been excommunicated from the church! How could this be? What did I do to them? I didn't understand. I called my visiting teacher, she wouldn't talk to me. I called my home teacher, he wouldn't talk to me. I called the bishop, and he wouldn't talk to me!
I confronted Convert, and he said that he had excommunicated me from the church, because "I was no longer a worthy member, and I need to be punished". I had lost the very thing that I treasured, my ability to go to heaven and be with God. I thought, "What did I do to make God hate me so?" I also thought, "God, I stuck by my husband and your 'Holy Priesthood', I know I didn't handle the stress too well.... but does that give Convert the authority to kick me out of heaven before I even have a chance to get there?"...........


Obi-Dave Kenobi April 25, 2007 at 6:59 PM  

Gad-zooks. This keeps getting worse. I'm really looking forward to the happy ending somewhere! Your ex-husband was just plain evil on many, many levels.

Interested April 26, 2007 at 4:05 PM  

I am really surprised that you could be excommunicated without even knowing about it. What kind of rational is behind that?

handmaiden April 26, 2007 at 7:05 PM  

I found out years later that Convert signed my name for me. My dad looked into it for me.
Happy ending? Yes, down the road.

L. S. Smathers Family October 18, 2010 at 4:02 AM  

What a blow at the time, all of it. The excommunication, Convert's affairs and issues...I can relate so, so, so well to all of this.
I often look back on a similar time in my life and it seems like it belongs to someone else. I have completely detached that part of my life from me...if that makes sense!

handmaiden October 19, 2010 at 1:09 AM  

Yeah, a blow it was!
It's hard to look back. All I did was cry. The hurt was so deep and the confusion so erratic that I lost all and any sense of reality, if I even had any. I had chosen to forget many of the extremely horrific episodes that when I began to remember, I couldn't function too well in everyday life.
Mormonism is so bad for any woman.
God Bless,

About Me

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Michigan, United States
I spent a lot of time deciding if I should write this blog or not. I'm not a great writer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I need to share what I have learned and I might not make some people happy with what I am saying. This blog is a way for me to release the thoughts and feelings that come with knowing I grew up in the wrong religion. A healing process if you will.

How To Read This Blog

Please start with the month of February 2007 and read backwards. This is the most effective way to understand, in order, why I say what I do.

Handmaidens Creed

1.I believe in God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit as one God without beginning or end.
2.I believe the Bible to be the Holy Inspired word of God with full truth and righteousness. No other writing is.
3.I believe that the work of the Lord comes first. Before any temporal thing or person.
4.I believe that grace is a gift and Christ gives that gift freely to all who believe.
5.I believe that the beauty of a woman is contained inside of her and not by what she looks like on the outside.
6.I believe that marriage is sacred and represents the Godhead on earth; two are one just as three are one.
7.I believe that love is more powerful than any other power. Remember, God is love.
8.I believe that tithing is not a part of God's new covenant, free will offerings are. And that doesn't mean just money.
9.I believe that the Aaronic, Levitical, and Melchizedek priesthoods are abolished and Christs Holy Priesthood whom Christ is the "Great High Priest" is eternal.
10.I believe that every believer is a priest in the "Priesthood of Believers".
11.I believe that when two are one, nobody is to separate the one.
12.I believe that Christ is the only way to heaven.
13.I believe that our bodies are temples, not man made buildings.
14.I believe that liars make fools out of others and the liar hates the fool.
15.I believe that all believers are in authority to preach the gospel.
16.I believe that the word 'organization' to describe Christs body is evil and has no place with God.
17.I believe the Americas are not the land of Zion and Christ will return to His origonal land-Israel in the Middle East.
18.I believe that God has set out correct ways of worshiping Him, not man.
19.I believe in holding to the truths of the Bible and not mans understanding of it.
20.I believe that the world is full of evil and Satan can easily gain control over the minds of those who do not profess Christ of the Bible to be their only Messiah.
21.I believe that Saints are those who know the real Savior, Jesus Christ, of whom the Bible speaks of; not the jesus of a cult.