The Call

One summer day, Christian sat me down and explained to me that I needed to call Convert. He went on to say that I needed to find out if Convert wanted me to get back with him and make the marriage work again. This would have been the third try at our marriage. He divorced me once in 1989 and again in 1995. I was quite surprised to hear that Christian felt that I needed to do such a thing, especially after all of the misery that Convert had put me and my kids through. Christian further explained to me that as a 'Christian', divorce is a very serious act for a couple to do. He went on to help me see that God does not want a couple to divorce, except in the case of adultery which Convert had been doing practically on a regular basis since we had been married. In other words, I had scriptural grounds to end the marriage, but was too much in a state of denial to myself about Converts obvious activities and too naive due to Mormon brainwashing to know the difference... I read in the bible where this subject is expounded on and I understood Christian's rational. Convert had many encounters of adultery and I wouldn't have been able to count them on both hands.
I complied with Christian and called Convert (a very hard thing for me to do.) I asked Convert if he would take me back and he said, "NO". It was a total relief to hear that one little word. I couldn't bear the thought of going back to Converts side. I couldn't have done it. My worst nightmare would have been to have to go back to Convert and be under his 'Authority'. It would have forced me back into Mormonism and his promiscuous, unquestioned authority. I would have had no choice.
I told Christian what Converts answer to the question was over the phone while he also, attentively listened to see what the response was. He nodded and that told me that the issue of me going back to Convert was done. I spent the next few days after talking with Convert, thankful to God, yet physically shaking. I was shaking because I knew, after reading, that the bible instructs couples to stay together. In 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 states that the believer is not to leave the unbeliever, but if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. It would have been the death of me to return to Convert.

I'm Grateful

In the eight months that Christian and I dated there were many changes and new experiences. I could spend a lot of time writing about the many 'adventures' Christian and I went on during those eight months. Mostly, this particular time was a time for healing. I knew I couldn't do anything about getting my kids back. I wasn't about to drag them into parental wars. I couldn't do that to them. I knew that they were being somewhat taken care of. My kids did move away from Convert as soon it became legal for them to do so. (I will write about them more later.)
I got to know Christian's relatives while I learned how to live on practically nothing. I learned how to appreciate God's creations around me. I learned how to fish, how to hunt, and how to utilize natural plants that grew on Christian's land. I tasted wild morel mushrooms for the first time, and made wild raspberry jam and wild blackberry jam for the first time. I learned how to identify different species of trees, plants, birds, and how to identify the different paw and hoof prints in the ground. The world around me was new and exciting. (God has given His children so much, if we would just be still and know that God is providing for our needs.) The most uplifting experience was that God provided me with so much spiritual growth, without the gain of material possession.
I quit smoking all at once. I went from two and a half packs of menthol cigarettes a day, to nothing. I owe it all to God. Jesus helped and is the only one who could help me stop depending on cancer sticks. I have not picked one up since I stopped. I started to get some exercise. Christian bought me some running shoes and I tried to 'jog' on a running track. I got one quarter of the way around the track on my first try. Afterwards, I was totally out of breath. I kept up my routine exercises with Christian. It was a matter of months that I was able to get one mile around the track. The bonus of all that exercise was that I lost seventy pounds within a year and a half. My diet drastically changed as well.
It was June of 1996 that I gave my life to Jesus and asked him to come into my heart and take over. I never knew that Jesus could give me the peace in my heart that I needed without requiring a priesthood holder and permission from those 'in authority'. There I was, with practically nothing, but Jesus stretched out His arms and accepted me. I was a wretched mess, but Jesus, through His grace, took me in with no conditions. God used Christian to show me what I needed in my life. For that I'm grateful.


This is something I put together to show how rational thinking and the mature Christian walk go together. Please click on each thumbnail to view and read each page. I put a lot of time and thought into this. Correct thinking was something that I had to learn. I never thought that the Mormon church could possibly control a woman's thinking, but they do.

Little Trailer

Christian and I became real good friends, and soon after that, we started dating. We only saw each other when Christian drove over 100 miles up from where he was living to see his mother. And he now drove that far to see me as well. A short time went by and we wanted to spend more time together to get to know one another, and I wanted to know more about the true Jesus.
I left my parents house after living there for four months and moved closer to where Christian lived. I moved into a little travel trailer that was on Christians vacant land while he lived at a friends farm house. Christian would come and pick me up in the morning and drop me off at night everyday. It wasn't easy for me to stay in that little trailer. There was no running water, electricity, or propane gas for heating and cooking. There was a bed with a roof and that was about it. Although, those things were not too bad to deal with, it was the dark quiet nights by myself that were difficult. I spent a lot of waking hours weeping and praying. The upside to all of that was that I now had hope for me and my kids through the grace and love of Jesus Christ.
I did a lot of spiritual searching during the few months I lived in that little trailer. I also expressed a lot of anger to God and Christian, because I had been deceived, lied to, and brain washed for all those years living with my parents and Convert. The Mormon way of life is so false. The church gives a persona of wholesome living, but that is just the rose petals covering the thorns.

Great Physician

I remember the freedom and relief I felt in knowing that I didn't have to do anything to gain favor with God. I also remember the betrayal of the Mormon church that led me into a confused and burdensome life, where I had no choice but to do what I was told. I recall Convert telling me, "Yours is not to ask why, yours is just to do or die." My parents put heavy demands on me when I was a child, and being married to Convert took me beyond what I could bear.
After Convert kicked me out of my home and separated me from my three children, I unfortunately, had no other course to take but to go to Michigan and live under my parents roof until I could financially get to where I could see my children again. I had no job because I had been working for Convert. I had no vehicle (Convert owned all of them), no friends, due to constantly working and knew nobody who could help me out.
I could see that my parents truly wanted to help me after moving in with them. However, they were acting more according to the dictates of the Mormon church rather than to God's unconditional love in providing for me the needs that I had. They put conditions on me while living in their home again which, as an adult, I thought were unacceptable. I knew that living there was not going to work out. My dad told me that the insurance on the loaner car I was driving was only good for a very small area. If I drove beyond the particular region that my dad specified, the insurance would expire. I'm slow in thinking, but not that slow.
The whole trauma of not being with my kids was tearing me at my heart. I wept for them every moment. I couldn't stand being so far apart from them. I knew I needed to heal, not just for myself, but for my three beautiful children. My parents couldn't do what Jesus could do for me and the kids. I, therefore, buried myself in the bible, the whole bible, not just the Joe Smiths' version of it.
Over the next few months I did a lot of changing. I became a believer in the true word of God and I could see that my life was in need of the 'Great Physician'. Christian and I read the bible together as much as possible. I could hardly wait to get together with him and study. Every time the scriptures were read, my heart's eye could see more clearer. I saw that I no longer needed to be a Mormon and go the way that my parents had taught me since birth. Rather, I needed a new birth that could open up the gates of heaven for me.


I was introduced to the little booklet that is pictured below by a Christian man, who had a family member living at the nursing home that I was working at. He gave me a copy of this booklet that he had written and I read it several times. I was able to identify with what it was saying. It was hard, at first, for me to believe, or accept, the idea that a little book with few words could touch my heart. The beliefs that I was taught through Mormonism were never able to speak to me as the words in this little booklet could. The printed words spoke to me personally. It said that there was love, and truth, and that I don't have to DO anything to be with God. All I have to do is know that it is not by my own strength that I can get to heaven, but by believing in a Savior, and through Him I would be able to go to heaven to be with God. The booklet helped me see the name 'Jesus' in a whole new perspective. The booklet also said that God is love, and that's what I had been looking for. For a long time I've searched for someone to love me without having any conditions put on me. I needed to be accepted by somebody for who I am, not for what I can, or must, do. I saw for the first time after all these years, that I had been searching for the love of a true God.
This same Christian man introduced me to a bible that wasn't printed by the Mormon Church. He showed me passages in the bible that were able to speak to my heart. He (I'm gonna call him Christian) loaned me his personal bible to read. [I had a Mormon bible, it looked like Christian's bible, but my bible was written by Joseph Smith, who changed a few things in his bible.] I read passages of scripture in different areas of the bible, and they seemed to talk to only me. I didn't feel as though I was being told to do this or that, or be cast into "outer darkness". I felt a peace inside while I read the scriptures.
I spent more and more time with Christian. He explained a lot of aspects of belief, love, truth, grace, Jesus, and the list goes on. I felt as though I was waking up from a horrible dream (my life), and I was introduced to a huge dose of something real.
I also needed Christian to help me understand the 'King James' style of writing. I grew up with that particular style of scripture, because Joseph Smith used 'King James' style of writing in all of his works. However, I always had a hard time understanding most of what was written. Christian helped me pick out a bible that was written in the 'NIV' translation. I was able to understand more clearly what the bible, and God, was saying to me. The Mormon church does not recognize any translation other than the 'King James Version', and that version must be from Joseph Smith. I remember as a teenager seeing Christian book stores in Detroit and thinking how those stores don't have the right scriptures for sale. I never considered Christian book stores to have anything for me. All the books I read came from the Deseret Book Company in Salt Lake City, UT.
For the first time in my life I realized, that it doesn't matter how much doing I do in this life, it will never get me into heaven. I found out that good works will never get rid of the bad deeds. Jesus Christ is the only one that can forgive sins. Through belief and faith in the saving grace of Jesus and trusting in Him only, will I get to heaven.


Please click on each thumbnail and enlarge each image. This is the small book that helped me see that I had to be born again.

About Me

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Michigan, United States
I spent a lot of time deciding if I should write this blog or not. I'm not a great writer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I need to share what I have learned and I might not make some people happy with what I am saying. This blog is a way for me to release the thoughts and feelings that come with knowing I grew up in the wrong religion. A healing process if you will.

How To Read This Blog

Please start with the month of February 2007 and read backwards. This is the most effective way to understand, in order, why I say what I do.

Handmaidens Creed

1.I believe in God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit as one God without beginning or end.
2.I believe the Bible to be the Holy Inspired word of God with full truth and righteousness. No other writing is.
3.I believe that the work of the Lord comes first. Before any temporal thing or person.
4.I believe that grace is a gift and Christ gives that gift freely to all who believe.
5.I believe that the beauty of a woman is contained inside of her and not by what she looks like on the outside.
6.I believe that marriage is sacred and represents the Godhead on earth; two are one just as three are one.
7.I believe that love is more powerful than any other power. Remember, God is love.
8.I believe that tithing is not a part of God's new covenant, free will offerings are. And that doesn't mean just money.
9.I believe that the Aaronic, Levitical, and Melchizedek priesthoods are abolished and Christs Holy Priesthood whom Christ is the "Great High Priest" is eternal.
10.I believe that every believer is a priest in the "Priesthood of Believers".
11.I believe that when two are one, nobody is to separate the one.
12.I believe that Christ is the only way to heaven.
13.I believe that our bodies are temples, not man made buildings.
14.I believe that liars make fools out of others and the liar hates the fool.
15.I believe that all believers are in authority to preach the gospel.
16.I believe that the word 'organization' to describe Christs body is evil and has no place with God.
17.I believe the Americas are not the land of Zion and Christ will return to His origonal land-Israel in the Middle East.
18.I believe that God has set out correct ways of worshiping Him, not man.
19.I believe in holding to the truths of the Bible and not mans understanding of it.
20.I believe that the world is full of evil and Satan can easily gain control over the minds of those who do not profess Christ of the Bible to be their only Messiah.
21.I believe that Saints are those who know the real Savior, Jesus Christ, of whom the Bible speaks of; not the jesus of a cult.