Time moved on and our third child was born. My mother-in-law moved in with us (all the way from Michigan). Fortunately, there were no more situations with the church.
Convert sat me down one day and told me that he had decided to ask his dad for a job. His dad owned a very large business out east. I asked him why he wanted to change, and I also told him that I thought that he was happy working for the church. Convert shrugged off my concern and said he just wanted a change. He called his dad and within hours of that call, his dad gave him a job. Convert got a job in Georgia, but we lived in Utah...
We sold practically everything we owned and made move number thirteen to just north-east of Atlanta, Georgia. (Convert left his mom in Utah.) Converts dad gave us a large sum of money to buy new furniture and rent a large three bedroom apartment. We lived only five miles away from Converts job, but it took him twenty minutes to drive there, due to heavy traffic.
We were treated like royalty. I couldn't believe all of the expensive dinners, clothes, and new everything. Bills were payed and my father-in-law visited often (when he flew down from Ohio). We got new church callings and kept our good standing in the church.
The following year after our move we had a house built, bought a new truck, and the kids were well taken care of because of Converts large salary. I kept going to church and Convert kept working. Soon after we moved into the house, I spent many nights by myself, because Convert made new friends and attended many company gatherings. I kept up my duties as a wife, mother, and church member. Converts church attendance dropped to less than half.
I kept getting the feeling that there was something strange going on. I didn't know what, but there was a huge change in the attitude in Convert. He became distant and he was not his normal self. I felt alone and didn't know what to do. I didn't have friends to talk to, and the church was unresponsive to my needs. I went to the Visiting Teachers, the Relief Society President, and to the Bishop for counseling and none of them wanted to help me understand what I needed to do. Now the regular routine of the house didn't seem to flow. The bills were piling up and I was just making the bare bones payment on everything. The money Convert was making was increasing, but the bills were getting bigger, faster.
We lived in our new home for about a year when Convert quit his job. He stopped working all together and in order to buy groceries, I had to get a job. The only thing I could get was a job working at a fast food restaurant. The job I had could not cover all of the bills, so we were forced to sell the house. We stopped tithing in order to help pay for what we could. We had a garage sale to help pay the debt. Convert filed for bankruptcy a second time.
As for me, I worked long, hard hours. I stopped going to church, so I could make as much money as possible. I started smoking to deal with the stress. I missed my kids... I missed going to church... I missed Convert...
I Missed
Westward Bound
I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and carried on. Move number nine was quite an adventure. Convert told me that we needed to move to Utah and start a life, over closer to the heart of the church.
We moved to another woman's place in Utah. She was someone we had known for a few years. Convert spent well over two months looking for a job before he got a managers job with Deseret Industries (similar to Goodwill) in Orem, Utah. We found an apartment in Provo, just south of Orem. I was excited! I'm finally back in Utah. I also got to be closer to my extended family, the people I grew up with.
We got moved into our apartment, and settled into church callings and regular temple attendance. I got to be a "stay at home mom" and be the Mormon mother I always dreamed of being.
Time went on and finances became tight which required Convert to get a part-time evening job. We also received food from the bishops' store house. We were able to get it because we paid our tithing, held church duties (callings), attended church regularly, and went to the temple meetings. I had the house schedule running smoothly and I thought that I was doing real well.
One day I got a visit from the Relief Society President and her counselors. They came in and asked how I was and then they addressed the reason for their visit. I was handed a piece of paper that laid out prescribed menus for my children. On this paper it showed me the type of food I was to get from the bishop's store house and what I was to feed my children for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They politely concluded their visit with a prayer that I would adhere to the bishop's counsel. I cordially showed them out.
When Convert got home I shared with him the event of the day and showed him the paper. I also told him that I will no longer get any food from the bishops store house. I said that it was not the bishop or relief society's responsibility to feed my children. I decided to take the 10% that the church was getting and buy food for my children from a grocery store. I refused to take anymore handouts.
Needless to say, I got a visit from the bishop due to the fact that he wasn't getting the churches money, our 10%. After a long visit, the bishop retracted the requirements of the menu and I started paying tithing again. I didn't go back to the bishops store house. I got a part time job to buy food.
The Cross
I will be putting in clippings from "The Cross" that is put out by Concerned Christians from AZ. It's the newsletter I get from them and I have permission to use whole or part of the print. I find this information valuable, not only to me, but for all who seek to know the truth. I'll add these in once in awhile.
Overwhelmed
The eighth move went well. We got settled into a roomy townhouse just South of a very large airport. Convert got his workman's compensation and disability, and we all went on welfare. The church continued to get their 10%, and Convert and I kept our good standing in the church. Convert saw his doctor once a week in order to keep his workman's' comp. He started going to a community college, taking classes in heating, ventilation and air conditioning. I started a part time job to supplement the disability.
I came home from work one evening and the house was a mess and there were strangers sitting in my living room. Convert explained to me that this family, a man, woman and an infant, needed a place to stay for awhile. That place was my home. I didn't have a say in the matter, due to Convert being the Mormon authority in the family. To make things worse, he decided to start working on appliances in my kitchen (he'd pick up old appliances that people had thrown out).
By this time I was overwhelmed. Between the church duties, going to work, taking care of the children, Converts' so called inability to work, his going to school, his doctor's appointments, and these strangers living in my home... I had nothing left. I was exhausted. I needed some advice, some kind of comfort, a shoulder to cry on... something.
I thought back to when I was young. I was taught to go to the spiritual head of the family for guidance in all matters. Well, the spiritual head of our nucleus family was part of the problem.
I remember I went over to my parents home and sat down next to my oldest brother (the returned Mormon missionary). I gave him a short story of my situation, he advised me to go to the patriarch of the family. I got up off the couch and went to the dining room where my dad was sitting. I sat down next to him and explained what I was going through, and that I was stressed out over it all.
My dad looked at me and lovingly told me how he was well aware of the situation. He said he had been praying about what I needed to do in my case. I was attentively listening. He said I was to divorce my husband. He went on to tell me that I was to let him and my mom adopt my children. Last, I was to move back to Utah and forget I even had a marriage and two children. I felt violated.
Mental What?
Time goes by and the children are a bit older and I am getting the knack at motherhood. I can see a family now when there once was none. Our sixth move went well and getting readjusted into another ward wasn't difficult. The missionaries, elders and sisters, were over to our apt. seemingly all of the time.
The children were down for a nap when I got a phone call from the local hospital. The man on the other end informed me that my husband had been brought to the hospital by the local police. I couldn't believe my ears!
"But he's at work", I said in disbelief.
"No", the man stated, "Your husband is on the top floor in the psych ward."
"Could you come as soon as you can for a consultation with the doctor?", the man asked urgently.
The doctor informed me that Convert had been wandering around in the middle of a busy street and very disoriented.
Immediately I called my parents. I gave them a very brief description of the urgent situation and expressed my need of their assistance. They promptly drove one hour to get to where I was.
I got to the hospital and I couldn't get to the top floor fast enough. When I got to the nurses desk the doctor was there and he went into depth explaining the situation. I couldn't believe that my husband was in the psych ward. I had to see him. I followed the doctor to Converts room. I could see him asleep in the far bed in a ward of three beds. I sat down and took hold of his hand. I then said a silent prayer. The doctor continued to explain to me in detail how my husband needed to be in the State Mental Institution. "How does one react or respond to that kind of statement?", I thought to myself.
As it turned out, my husband didn't go to the state hospital. We moved again to a back room, remodeled garage of a female church members' home. Convert filed for disability and workers compensation. Another day, another ward.
For Time and All Eternity
As I think back on my upbringing (childhood), I continue to realize that I was a devout Mormon. I did all, all the time. That same ambition carried over into my new marriage. I took hold of new church callings and I did all I knew to do as a wife and a new mother. The whole experience of being the perfect wife, mother, and church member was challenging.
Convert got his upgrade to an elder in the church and we were sealed "For Time and All Eternity" in the Washington DC, Mormon Temple. Our two young children were sealed with us. I worked hard to get to this stage. It wasn't easy. By the time Convert and I got to this point, Convert had quit his job three times. We moved four times, and during all this, I caught him rolling on the floor with my best friend. (Our first baby was only a month old when Convert decided to quit his government job and seek my best friends company. She was Mormon too. This precipitated the second move.)
I had to stay in the hospital a full month while pregnant with my first child. My cervix couldn't hold babies. Not only did I have problems carrying my child, I had to get over being anorexic. I was only 98lbs when Convert and I married. (Perfect body + perfect lifestyle = Perfect Mormon Woman.) The problems with my cervix necessitated a month long stay in the hospital. Needless to say, I got only one visit from my dear husband during my incarceration. I delivered my boy one week after my release from the hospital. My baby was born eight weeks premature. Our daughter, on the other hand, was full term, thanks to modern medicine.
Here Comes the Bride
The more Convert and I dated, the more I wanted to be with him. I became very attached to him. We dated for five months and then we were married. We didn't have the traditional Mormon temple wedding. Convert wasn't a member long enough to be an elder in the priesthood. (A man has to be an elder in the church to gain entrance into the temple.) We settled for a civil marriage. We didn't have a typical civil wedding with flowers, a dress, a cake, and celebrations.
My parents had just married off my oldest brother and they stated that they couldn't afford another wedding. (Of course, they really didn't want me to get married at all.) My brother was the successful returned missionary that was the pride of the family. He was the one that got the glitter and glamor of a temple marriage. The church was decorated to the hilt and the food never ended. Although, I did get to be a brides maid. Did I mention that the bride was my best friend?
I wanted so much to have a beautiful wedding, but out of desperation to gain freedom I settled for a judge, my parents, and about three of my siblings at the courthouse. I remember buying a wedding dress pattern and putting it in my "hope chest" back in Utah. I still have the pattern, unopened and unused. I look at it once in awhile and just sigh. I was also hoping that I would be able to decorate my own wedding cake. Instead, I was only able to do everyone else's. The wedding took place and then everyone went home. Convert and I went to our honeymoon destination.... The Holiday Inn.
The honeymoon was interesting. Convert detoured us to his friend's house. I sat on the couch in the living room of some strangers home while Convert went into the other room. I waited. My new husband was up to something. I really didn't know what. There were other people laying around the living room while I was there. I didn't know them. The room stunk, it was smoky, and it had alcohol bottles everywhere. I was real uneasy sitting there. It wasn't my kind of environment. Soon my new husband came out of the other room. He would not explain what he had been doing. We left that poor pathetic house and went to our honeymoon suite. (It was just one of the small rooms on the tenth floor.) We had dinner at the inn's restaurant and then retreated to our room.
I was so happy to be married and away with my love. I knew that we were going to be happy as a married couple and have a home, a family, and go to church like all the wonderful families do. I had such high hopes for us. That short visit to Converts friend's house was not an issue. I gave it no more thought...
The next day Convert took me to my new home, or I should say it was his mothers home. It was small, smoky and full of dog and cat hair. Coffee aromas loomed in the air, and the dishes were kept in the fridge, due to the large amount of cockroaches. This kind of atmosphere was totally different than what I was used to. The house I grew up in had no bugs, was clean, smelled good and the animals lived outside. I was a stranger in a strange home and thats where I was supposed to be. In other words I was locked in. I kept my hopes high on the goal of a soon-to-be temple marriage, a home of my own, a family, and respect from the Mormon community. Most of all, I hoped that I would make my parents proud.
