On The Outside Looking In

I am the oldest girl of three and I have four brothers. My mom had two miscarriages and one infant death. We, as children, grew up in a very tight nit family. All of us kids are still alive and we all have families of our own. Once in a while, I get an update of how everyone is doing, and sometimes I get a call from a sister or two. My mom will elaborate on how everyone is getting along. I think of my brothers and sister a lot, especially now that I'm older and have more time on my hands.
One time, about eleven years ago, when I just moved up north from Georgia, I had a longing to see one of my brothers who lived in New Mexico. I didn't have any money and I had no idea how to get there. Christian (my husband) and I went on a venture to see my brother with Christians money and he hardly had any. The trip was so tight financially that we hitched rides, slept under the stars, and ate only canned beans for breakfast. The love that I have for my brother is unconditional and I (we) went to great lengths to just give him an embrace and see his face.
I don't hear from my siblings much. I don't get calls of "HI", or "HOW ARE YOU?" I sometimes get lonely for them and I will call them just to hear their voice. The conversations with them are short and superficial. I am on the outside of the sibling circle looking in because I am no longer a part of the Mormon church. I have refused Mormon literature from a brother, and eating dinner with Mormon missionaries at a sisters house. I do have a huge desire to be with my brothers and sisters, but when I am around them they, when ever they get a chance, try to insert their Mormon beliefs on me.
I still get hung up about this situation. My family is so engrained in Mormon teachings and beliefs that it is extremely difficult for me to tell them of a better life. They don't want anything to do with Christianity and they are not afraid to say so. My heart is heavy about this matter, but I know that one day I will have to confront them with the truth about Mormonism. I spend a lot of time, meditating and praying to prepare myself for the day when I will be completely cut off from my family because I do not conform to the Mormon standards. There might not be enough time for preparation...
My brothers, sisters, and parents are dear to my heart and I wish only the best for them. I know that the best thing they need is to know the true Jesus Christ, and I know that I am the one to tell them of the only one true Savior.


L. S. Smathers Family October 20, 2010 at 4:44 AM  

Siblings...I have 6 and the sting can be so real. Two of my brothers are genuine and wouldn't let anything like religion divide us, but my sisters are convinced I will be in hell...such a confusing paradox. "We were taught - love one another, as I have loved you" but the unwritten law adds on "only if they conform".

About Me

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Michigan, United States
I spent a lot of time deciding if I should write this blog or not. I'm not a great writer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I need to share what I have learned and I might not make some people happy with what I am saying. This blog is a way for me to release the thoughts and feelings that come with knowing I grew up in the wrong religion. A healing process if you will.

How To Read This Blog

Please start with the month of February 2007 and read backwards. This is the most effective way to understand, in order, why I say what I do.

Handmaidens Creed

1.I believe in God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit as one God without beginning or end.
2.I believe the Bible to be the Holy Inspired word of God with full truth and righteousness. No other writing is.
3.I believe that the work of the Lord comes first. Before any temporal thing or person.
4.I believe that grace is a gift and Christ gives that gift freely to all who believe.
5.I believe that the beauty of a woman is contained inside of her and not by what she looks like on the outside.
6.I believe that marriage is sacred and represents the Godhead on earth; two are one just as three are one.
7.I believe that love is more powerful than any other power. Remember, God is love.
8.I believe that tithing is not a part of God's new covenant, free will offerings are. And that doesn't mean just money.
9.I believe that the Aaronic, Levitical, and Melchizedek priesthoods are abolished and Christs Holy Priesthood whom Christ is the "Great High Priest" is eternal.
10.I believe that every believer is a priest in the "Priesthood of Believers".
11.I believe that when two are one, nobody is to separate the one.
12.I believe that Christ is the only way to heaven.
13.I believe that our bodies are temples, not man made buildings.
14.I believe that liars make fools out of others and the liar hates the fool.
15.I believe that all believers are in authority to preach the gospel.
16.I believe that the word 'organization' to describe Christs body is evil and has no place with God.
17.I believe the Americas are not the land of Zion and Christ will return to His origonal land-Israel in the Middle East.
18.I believe that God has set out correct ways of worshiping Him, not man.
19.I believe in holding to the truths of the Bible and not mans understanding of it.
20.I believe that the world is full of evil and Satan can easily gain control over the minds of those who do not profess Christ of the Bible to be their only Messiah.
21.I believe that Saints are those who know the real Savior, Jesus Christ, of whom the Bible speaks of; not the jesus of a cult.