"FRET NOT"

I sometimes feel very sad and troubled about the end result, or consequences, of some of the past events in my life. It's hard to deal with the fact that Convert destroyed a family, my family, and those in my family will never be the same again. I spend a lot of time pondering about what each of my children had to go through over the years. I pray everyday and trust in God that He has everything under control.
I often wonder if there are other families out there with similar problems. I listen to the news and I watch tv shows that tell tales of domestic violence where the parent(s) are the problem and the children suffer. My heart sinks every time. I think of how stupid I was when I was trying to be a wife and a mother in a relationship that was doomed from the beginning. How was I supposed to know? Who really knew, save God? I had such high hopes for my children ever since I can remember. I knew how to take care of many, many things. The most important thing I didn't know how to take care of was me. I was never taught by my Mormon parents how to discern common stuff, like how to say "no", or how to confront negative situations, or stand up to my core beliefs that were tucked away in my heart and mind. These are but a few of the things that I never learned how to take care of , mostly due to the fact that my upbringing was so structured and controlled. The Mormon church really knows how to gain quick control over females like me. I was so full of fear of my parents and the church that I didn't dare go against anything they said. Sometimes when my dad speaks, I get intimidated still to this day. I was afraid to go against Convert as well, but was a very committed wife.
I now keep thinking of how I could have done better back then if I had known that I was not living a so-called 'normal' life. The Mormons appear normal to most people, but they are not! The sadness I experience from thinking about it all easily turns into anger. There are difficult days when I question my self-worth, and my self-esteem goes to record lows. I turn to God often. I pray, weep, tremble, and become totally helpless. The help of my Father above usually comes just in time when all hope seems totally gone. He lifts me up out of the darkness and holds me until I can see that He was always there. He is always there. The God of the true bible has always been there.
I listened to a sermon from Dr. Eugene Scott the other night, and he was teaching from Psalms 37. I swear that the sermon was made just for me. Sit down and read the Bible message sometime. It is a powerful passage of scripture that speaks a strong message of fretting. It says that if I would cast 'my way', or what I carry around and worry about upon Him, He will take care of my worries.
I need to tell myself to let God do His work for my family every day. Each one of my children are being taken care of by God. I need to get myself out of the way and trust God fully, then He will be able to be free enough to bring about righteousness and judgment.