College No More

I looked around the community I was in and it only made me yearn all the more to get back to Utah. I, therefore, applied to a college where I was from in Utah. The photo below shows that I got accepted! I was so thrilled to know that I had a reason to go back, back to what I knew as home. I could hardly wait for my dad to get home so I could tell him the news.
Shortly after he got home, I showed him the certificate of acceptance. He stared at it awhile, leaned back on the kitchen counter and looked me square in the eyes.
"You know," he stated, "I know that you want to go back to Utah. I also know that you want to attend college."
I could tell that he didn't like what he saw.
"God has shown me that you are not to go to college. For that fact, you are not to get married," dad said sternly.
By this time my heart was in my throat and the flood gates were opening.
"As patriarch of this home and having the power of the priesthood, God has told me that you are to stay home and take care of your mother and me," my dad roared with all of his authority.
His roar, I was so scared of his roar.
"Oh, you can have a part time job and continue with your church work, but that's it," he bluntly stated.
(My dads thinking comes from Mormon teaching.)
By this time I was sitting in one of the kitchen chairs because I was too weak to stand. My throat was swollen from fighting back my need to weep -- I couldn't speak. I couldn't do anything but stair at him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. These words he spoke were not what I was prepared to hear, let alone deal with.
I gracefully accepted his authority and bowed out to my room. There, in the privacy of my room, is where I threw myself on my bed, buried my head in my pillow (it was a stuffed blue elephant) and wept bitterly. I saw my whole life end. I hashed over the possibility of never having the pleasure of going to the celestial kingdom. No temple marriage, no eternity. I thought of the touch of my children; I'll never know. I wept all the more.
By this time I was shaking so much, I had the dry heaves.
I have done all I knew to do to be able to go to heaven. Now my dad, my inspiration, my leader, my life, my patriarch, informed me I wasn't good enough for God. My mind was too numb. My heart too broken, my life shattered.....


Interested March 18, 2007 at 4:57 AM  

How awful! My heart goes out to you.

handmaiden March 18, 2007 at 3:24 PM  

Hi interested,
Bless you!

Ben November 25, 2007 at 11:15 PM  

Unfortunatley, your dad sounds a little crazy to me. He obviously took his "authority" way to seriously and used it to CONTROL your and others life. I pity you and your family for having to live under such terrible reign. Your father obviously grossly mis-used his Priesthood authority.

Wilfred April 15, 2011 at 7:25 AM  

your old man sounds like a prick

Anonymous February 11, 2014 at 3:24 AM  

What terrible stories come from this work of Satan. I pray that this dark work known as LDS would be inundated with the light of the truth of God's Word, and that multitudes of the shackled souls would be set free through God's calling them out of their sin unto confession and forgiveness.

God bless you HandMaiden,


About Me

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Michigan, United States
I spent a lot of time deciding if I should write this blog or not. I'm not a great writer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I need to share what I have learned and I might not make some people happy with what I am saying. This blog is a way for me to release the thoughts and feelings that come with knowing I grew up in the wrong religion. A healing process if you will.

How To Read This Blog

Please start with the month of February 2007 and read backwards. This is the most effective way to understand, in order, why I say what I do.

Handmaidens Creed

1.I believe in God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit as one God without beginning or end.
2.I believe the Bible to be the Holy Inspired word of God with full truth and righteousness. No other writing is.
3.I believe that the work of the Lord comes first. Before any temporal thing or person.
4.I believe that grace is a gift and Christ gives that gift freely to all who believe.
5.I believe that the beauty of a woman is contained inside of her and not by what she looks like on the outside.
6.I believe that marriage is sacred and represents the Godhead on earth; two are one just as three are one.
7.I believe that love is more powerful than any other power. Remember, God is love.
8.I believe that tithing is not a part of God's new covenant, free will offerings are. And that doesn't mean just money.
9.I believe that the Aaronic, Levitical, and Melchizedek priesthoods are abolished and Christs Holy Priesthood whom Christ is the "Great High Priest" is eternal.
10.I believe that every believer is a priest in the "Priesthood of Believers".
11.I believe that when two are one, nobody is to separate the one.
12.I believe that Christ is the only way to heaven.
13.I believe that our bodies are temples, not man made buildings.
14.I believe that liars make fools out of others and the liar hates the fool.
15.I believe that all believers are in authority to preach the gospel.
16.I believe that the word 'organization' to describe Christs body is evil and has no place with God.
17.I believe the Americas are not the land of Zion and Christ will return to His origonal land-Israel in the Middle East.
18.I believe that God has set out correct ways of worshiping Him, not man.
19.I believe in holding to the truths of the Bible and not mans understanding of it.
20.I believe that the world is full of evil and Satan can easily gain control over the minds of those who do not profess Christ of the Bible to be their only Messiah.
21.I believe that Saints are those who know the real Savior, Jesus Christ, of whom the Bible speaks of; not the jesus of a cult.