It was early fall and the nights were getting colder. Christian and I had spent the day visiting his mom at the nursing home. On the way back home, a few miles south of the nursing home, we stopped at a lake. We got out of the car and sat down near the waters edge. Christian and I talked about family, his land, christian values and us. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. There was a restaurant across the way, we went in and celebrated.
We didn't have a long engagement, due to the fact that the air was getting colder. (I was still living in that small trailer that didn't have any heat.) We decided to get married as soon as it was possible. We spent a lot of time finding a preacher and a church, obtaining the license, and making as many arrangements as possible in the short amount of time we had. We didn't send out invitations, but used the phone to make calls to relatives and friends who we thought might want to come. The most important calls were to my children, my parents, and Christian's dad. (His mother was in a nursing home and was unable to comprehend. We told her anyway.) This was all done in a two week period.
We had a very small wedding in a Free Methodist church with no decorations or fancy stuff. Christian's dad and step-mom were a big help. They provided a small reception at their house and his step-mom played the piano for us as well. Christian also had some musician friends that volunteered to sing and play acoustic guitar during the ceremony. The couple that let Christian stay at their farmhouse were the best man and the matron of honor. A cousin of Christians, who was into photography, took the photographs. I made the wedding cake. (It's interesting to make a wedding cake with no supplies and borrowing the pans and an oven.)
Christian had a church full of family and I had my parents there. I longed for my children to attend and share the joy of the occasion, but that wasn't possible. (They were nearly a thousand miles away and Convert made sure that my contact with my children was minimal.) The day was full of excitement, and I knew that Christian was nervous. He was forty-eight and this was his first marriage.
When the festivities were over, we went to dinner and dancing at a real nice resort. We ate and danced for hours. The happiness we both felt was great and I couldn't believe that someone wanted me after all I had been through. By the time we got back to our motel, Christian had acute influenza. I tucked him in bed and he spent that whole night very ill.


Amie June 12, 2007 at 12:28 AM  

I found your blog by accident--an unrelated search caught something in your writing and I started reading. Anyhow, it really sounds like you have had a life filled with rotten people who hold strong principles. You had bad parents, an awful husband, and seem to have traded for another extremist. It worries me that you look for answers so much in other people instead of within yourself or from a balanced study of multiple viewpoints. From my knowledge of Mormonism, your family (parents and Convert) were not following it correctly. You can hardly blame a church because some people in it are bad. It's kind of like the world at large.. there will always be a certain segment of the population who is mentally ill, criminal, etc. You're the kind of person I worry about because you are definitely looking for something to fill the void in your life, but you try to find it in other people and their beliefs rather than within yourself. I hope someday you can find happiness and peace and be able to forgive those who have wronged you. I hope you become a strong, empowered woman who can make choices without blaming outside forces for everything that happens to you. All the best--

Tiffany Douglas June 21, 2007 at 1:39 PM  

Hey there handmaiden. Looks like you have been really busy. Everything looks great. I even thought about starting one after seeing the two of yous! I can see you have spent a lot of time on it and I am sure it is very cathartic and hopefully helpful to others. Hope the appliances are working fine. Maybe you remember me now! Job searching is taking priority over blogging but could certainly learn some things from you guys!

Godhead October 31, 2010 at 7:37 PM  

Amie said, "You had bad parents, an awful husband, and seem to have traded for another extremist. It worries me that you look for answers so much in other people instead of within yourself or from a balanced study of multiple viewpoints."

You got to love the secular mind and how it cannot understand the things of God and the struggle between light and darkness. Hey Amie, a woman who fears the Lord she is to be praised. Handmaiden is now more happy and fulfilled then your so called liberating secular views could ever give her, or you will ever know. she has God in her heart, you have nothing. Handmaiden is a great blessing you are a curse. The light inside of you is pure darkness. All you are is a servant of the Devil. You are his slave. Jesus has set Handmaiden free and given her a life and happiness that you could only dream of.

Godhead October 31, 2010 at 7:38 PM  

"By the time we got back to our motel, Christian had acute influenza. I tucked him in bed and he spent that whole night very ill."

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read that. My fear is that if I ever do get married, well I am only 40, Christian was 48, that Jesus will return on my wedding night. Its not that fare fetched when you think about it for Jesus said.

"But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be. For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark, And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be." (Mat 24:37-39)

About Me

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Michigan, United States
I spent a lot of time deciding if I should write this blog or not. I'm not a great writer and I'm not going to pretend to be. I need to share what I have learned and I might not make some people happy with what I am saying. This blog is a way for me to release the thoughts and feelings that come with knowing I grew up in the wrong religion. A healing process if you will.

How To Read This Blog

Please start with the month of February 2007 and read backwards. This is the most effective way to understand, in order, why I say what I do.

Handmaidens Creed

1.I believe in God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit as one God without beginning or end.
2.I believe the Bible to be the Holy Inspired word of God with full truth and righteousness. No other writing is.
3.I believe that the work of the Lord comes first. Before any temporal thing or person.
4.I believe that grace is a gift and Christ gives that gift freely to all who believe.
5.I believe that the beauty of a woman is contained inside of her and not by what she looks like on the outside.
6.I believe that marriage is sacred and represents the Godhead on earth; two are one just as three are one.
7.I believe that love is more powerful than any other power. Remember, God is love.
8.I believe that tithing is not a part of God's new covenant, free will offerings are. And that doesn't mean just money.
9.I believe that the Aaronic, Levitical, and Melchizedek priesthoods are abolished and Christs Holy Priesthood whom Christ is the "Great High Priest" is eternal.
10.I believe that every believer is a priest in the "Priesthood of Believers".
11.I believe that when two are one, nobody is to separate the one.
12.I believe that Christ is the only way to heaven.
13.I believe that our bodies are temples, not man made buildings.
14.I believe that liars make fools out of others and the liar hates the fool.
15.I believe that all believers are in authority to preach the gospel.
16.I believe that the word 'organization' to describe Christs body is evil and has no place with God.
17.I believe the Americas are not the land of Zion and Christ will return to His origonal land-Israel in the Middle East.
18.I believe that God has set out correct ways of worshiping Him, not man.
19.I believe in holding to the truths of the Bible and not mans understanding of it.
20.I believe that the world is full of evil and Satan can easily gain control over the minds of those who do not profess Christ of the Bible to be their only Messiah.
21.I believe that Saints are those who know the real Savior, Jesus Christ, of whom the Bible speaks of; not the jesus of a cult.